DC Confidential
Have you ever had an exam where all the way through, you have a nagging feeling that something isn't right, that despite knowing all the facts, they all seem to be telling you quite clearly impossible things, such as the fact that the combustion of water couldn't happen, and that the three things you know about chiral molecules all contradict each other? And then, afterwards, hearing other people talk, you slowly realise that all the facts you thought you knew were completely wrong, and the World actualy works in a totally different way, and gruff, eighty year old men are even now clustering around your paper, slowly guffawing as they read your pathetic attempt at a sensical answer? Have you ever had an exam like that?
No? Good, because I'm not going to talk about that today, but rather (Ooh!) Current Affairs, specificaly those of David Cameron, a man who utterly facinates me. I remember when I saw him for the first time I almost fell out of my chair in astonishment (I only didn't because it was a really big chair), due to just how ridiculously British he looked. He didn't just look like a Prime Minister, he looked like the sort of person people would hire to play the Prime Minister in an idealistic Rom-Com involving Richard Curtis and a rampaging mob of Disgruntled Cynics. It's astonishing-He's like Colin Firth crossed with a big jolly cushion, the sort of man Old Ladies would cross the street to hug. He looks, and acts, like the Platonic Ideal of a PM. It was kind of terrifying. As soon as I saw him, I knew he would win the contest he was in, even though at that point he was a laughable outsider. He couldn't not, looking like he did.
I'm rubbish with political predictions, mind, so I'm not using that as a basis for my employment as a Political pundit (although, by managing to get the result in every single swing state in the last US Election wrong, I've about the same success rate as the best of 'em). Rather I'm saying that what's interesting, and kind of terrifying, about Cameron is that he could very well win the next election just based on the myth he spins around himself. Furthermore, looking and listening to him, it's obvious he understands this in a way David Davis didn't to an almost heroic extent: he knows he doesn't have to cast around spin very much if he just lets his body do the spinning for him. All he really has to do is sit and watch the Labour government implode, and then wag a knowing finger as it does.
Why is this terrifying? Two levels. First, Cameron's rise to power, like Blair's, shows that detailed policy doesn't really matter: As long as there's this nice seeming bloke who says nice seeming things, nobody really cares what his plans for Train Station Renewal are. Secondly, though, and more importantly, I don't care. I've tried very hard to dislike Cameron on principle until I've found out about his policies, as is a good idea, and I just can't do it. He's too loveable, and while the tiny rational voice in my head is bitterly screaming into my frontal lobes that I don't know this man, the larger, emotional part of me is thinking about his funny pudgy cheeks. You can hardly not win an election with that on your side, especialy not when up against Gordon Brown, a man who caused a two minute silence by telling a joke. Dark times.
Still, I might be wrong. Ol' DC seems to place Climate Change high on his agenda as a really bloody important thing, a fact which alone puts him into the "worth listening to" section of Politicians, even though the mere thought of voting Conservative literaly makes my hackles raise, which is actualy a surprisingly relaxing feeling. But in all his other policies, and in some of his dealings, he seems to be somewhat more complex than he appears to pudgy lovely cheeks embarassed wee smile. Look at his sweet little eyes!
...It's one thing being brainwashed. It's quite another to do it to yourself.
No? Good, because I'm not going to talk about that today, but rather (Ooh!) Current Affairs, specificaly those of David Cameron, a man who utterly facinates me. I remember when I saw him for the first time I almost fell out of my chair in astonishment (I only didn't because it was a really big chair), due to just how ridiculously British he looked. He didn't just look like a Prime Minister, he looked like the sort of person people would hire to play the Prime Minister in an idealistic Rom-Com involving Richard Curtis and a rampaging mob of Disgruntled Cynics. It's astonishing-He's like Colin Firth crossed with a big jolly cushion, the sort of man Old Ladies would cross the street to hug. He looks, and acts, like the Platonic Ideal of a PM. It was kind of terrifying. As soon as I saw him, I knew he would win the contest he was in, even though at that point he was a laughable outsider. He couldn't not, looking like he did.
I'm rubbish with political predictions, mind, so I'm not using that as a basis for my employment as a Political pundit (although, by managing to get the result in every single swing state in the last US Election wrong, I've about the same success rate as the best of 'em). Rather I'm saying that what's interesting, and kind of terrifying, about Cameron is that he could very well win the next election just based on the myth he spins around himself. Furthermore, looking and listening to him, it's obvious he understands this in a way David Davis didn't to an almost heroic extent: he knows he doesn't have to cast around spin very much if he just lets his body do the spinning for him. All he really has to do is sit and watch the Labour government implode, and then wag a knowing finger as it does.
Why is this terrifying? Two levels. First, Cameron's rise to power, like Blair's, shows that detailed policy doesn't really matter: As long as there's this nice seeming bloke who says nice seeming things, nobody really cares what his plans for Train Station Renewal are. Secondly, though, and more importantly, I don't care. I've tried very hard to dislike Cameron on principle until I've found out about his policies, as is a good idea, and I just can't do it. He's too loveable, and while the tiny rational voice in my head is bitterly screaming into my frontal lobes that I don't know this man, the larger, emotional part of me is thinking about his funny pudgy cheeks. You can hardly not win an election with that on your side, especialy not when up against Gordon Brown, a man who caused a two minute silence by telling a joke. Dark times.
Still, I might be wrong. Ol' DC seems to place Climate Change high on his agenda as a really bloody important thing, a fact which alone puts him into the "worth listening to" section of Politicians, even though the mere thought of voting Conservative literaly makes my hackles raise, which is actualy a surprisingly relaxing feeling. But in all his other policies, and in some of his dealings, he seems to be somewhat more complex than he appears to pudgy lovely cheeks embarassed wee smile. Look at his sweet little eyes!
...It's one thing being brainwashed. It's quite another to do it to yourself.
posted by Turnip @ 4:54 pm
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